E-commerce that labours for you.

Macula degeneration is a serious illness that affects thousands of Australians each year. That's a big deal. You know what's not a big deal? E-commerce solutions; credit card processing here, secure checkout there, and you, laughing all the way to the bank (to pay our invoice).

The hallmarks of our product:

Secure Shopping Carts Secure Shopping Carts

So that little lock thing shows up in your browser and everyone feels safe and secure (though no one really knows what it does). Whether your customer is in a yurt in Mongolia or the innards of a tauntaun on the ice planet of Hoth, they expect to see that lock.

 
Payment Solutions Payment Solutions

No matter how you want to take payment, yo we'll solve it, check out the hook while our DJ revolves it. No but seriously, terrible music aside, credit cards, direct deposit, PayPal, BPay, a jar full of tears; the sky is the limit.

 
Cross Promotion Cross Promotion

We know you sleek selling types could sell ice to Eskimos, but how much more could you sell, if you also promote it as 'hardened tempered water'. That's where cross promotion comes in, it makes you look like you have thousands of products, when in reality you only have two.

 
Auto Tracking & Confirmations Auto Tracking & Confirmations

Having chimps and small furry woodland creatures sending out confirmation emails and updating your customers when their package has been sent seems like a good cheap solution but can you imagine what would happen if P.E.T.A found out.

That's why we've made invoice, tracking confirmations and confirmation emails automated. It'll save you time whilst significantly reducing vet bills.

Shipping & Inventory Shipping & Inventory

Lets be honest, you just make up the shipping charge anyway,[1][2] but on the off-chance you don't... [text is not complete due to excessive time spent arguing, we are a pedantic bunch].

 
Traffic & Sales Reports Traffic & Sales Reports

You know the sense of security you feel when you see a line on a graph? Well, with our traffic and sales reports you can see many lines on many graphs, all of which are secretly saying 'we love you' and 'look at all the money you make'. With this much love and security no one will ever feel alone again.

 
Coupon Discounts & Affiliates Program Coupon Discounts & Affiliates Program

What if we told you that we would do your project and give you 50% off? See that feeling there, that one, the one right there... no not that one, that's shame... the one next to it... yeah that one, the feeling of excitement. Your customers could have that feeling too, if only you provided discounts.

Couple that with an affiliate program and you could probably convince them to send you naughty photos of themselves (though probably not).

Oh and by the way, because you are so awesome,
next time you talk to us mention that you read on our website that the director is a useless waste of space and we will give you a 3 cent discount. (Yes that's a 3 cent discount not a 3 percent discount, what are we, made of money?)

  • [1] While writing this, we spent an hour arguing the appropriateness of placing a comma here. If you have any thoughts or feedback, please send them to us via our Contact Us form.[3]
  • [2] It is not the view of Square Turtle Studios that you make up your shipping charges, we are quite sure that they are reasonably priced based on weight, package size and destination. **wink wink, nudge nudge**
  • [3] While writing this footnote, we argued for half an hour about the appropriateness of having footnotes on our website.[4]
  • [4] While writing the aforementioned footnote, we argued for fifteen minutes as to whether it should be the second or third footnote.